As I write this, I'm sitting in bed with a heating pad on my left shoulder. I'm left-handed and right now it hurts to do anything with my arm. And I just wanna cry.
Cry because I feel damaged.
Cry because my body hurts and aches in places and ways I've never known before.
Cry because I can't seem to catch a break.
Cry because I am incredibly stressed.
Cry because I need an outlet.
Cry because I feel as if I have none.
Cry because I feel all alone.
Cry because my f'n dominant arm f'in hurts all the time.
I just wanna smile. I just wanna be happy. Able to see the good in life. I want to be a positive person. But every time I resolve to be a better person, something happens, and I snap. My tolerance for anything is non-existent. And I hate it. So I cry.
I know things come with the territory of being a parent and I know that in life ish happens. But it seems like the two always team up and screw me over and right now I really need to set the reset button. Life's downs and annoyances and trials and tribulations have beat the life outta me and I haven't had a chance to recharge, resulting in a person I don't particularly like or care for. I have less patience for things out of my control. I'm less tolerant of others and their flaws, especially those closest to me. And my ability to properly assess situations is ridiculously horrible - everything is a big friggin deal.
I need a change, a break. I need a solution. I know this ish ain't cool. But what I don't know is, what now?!?
