Momfessions: Sleeping Together

Todd wants Tempess to sleep in her bed. I don't mind.

Tempess wants to sleep with Mommy. I don't mind that either.

As much as I like having a bed to myself (since 90% of the time someone falls asleep on the futon in front of the PS3), I also like that warm, fuzzy feeling I get when little arms wrap around my neck and giggle "I luh zhoo!"

Nothing says sweet dreams like a toddler who wants you to be a part of their every moment, both waking and sleeping.

But nothing says wine like a toddler who wants you to lay still while they reenact Five Monkeys and you got ish to do.

For now, I choose the former. It gets me through the long days and lets me know that even when I think I'm messing this Mommydom thing up, somebody thinks I'm doing it right.

Momfessions: What Now

As I write this, I'm sitting in bed with a heating pad on my left shoulder. I'm left-handed and right now it hurts to do anything with my arm. And I just wanna cry.

Cry because I feel damaged.

Cry because my body hurts and aches in places and ways I've never known before.

Cry because I can't seem to catch a break.

Cry because I am incredibly stressed.

Cry because I need an outlet.

Cry because I feel as if I have none.

Cry because I feel all alone.

Cry because my f'n dominant arm f'in hurts all the time.

I just wanna smile. I just wanna be happy. Able to see the good in life. I want to be a positive person. But every time I resolve to be a better person, something happens, and I snap. My tolerance for anything is non-existent. And I hate it. So I cry.

I know things come with the territory of being a parent and I know that in life ish happens. But it seems like the two always team up and screw me over and right now I really need to set the reset button. Life's downs and annoyances and trials and tribulations have beat the life outta me and I haven't had a chance to recharge, resulting in a person I don't particularly like or care for. I have less patience for things out of my control. I'm less tolerant of others and their flaws, especially those closest to me. And my ability to properly assess situations is ridiculously horrible - everything is a big friggin deal.

I need a change, a break. I need a solution. I know this ish ain't cool. But what I don't know is, what now?!?

Momfessions: Pumping

As much as I love breastfeeding, I hate pumping. With. A. Passion.

As Tové gets older, it's becoming harder and harder to stay committed. I would love to offer her only breastmilk after she's one, but I can't say that I'm not welcoming the opportunity to not have to worry about pumping enough milk.

Momfessions: Giving Up the Panties

Wal-Mart needs to start selling them....

Momfessions: Breastmilk vs. Solids

Momfessions: I Need Friends!!!!

Momfessions: I'm Mushy

This is what my desk looks like....wall full of Temi sprinkled with some Todd. What can I say? I'm mushy....

Momfessions: Allowance

If Temi likes to clean when she gets older as much as she does now, I may havta rethink this whole tying her allowance to her chores thing. Bank MaMa and DaDa will go broke broke.

Momfessions: I Want to Hibernate

I would just like to crawl into a woman cave and sleep until May 2. Leave all of life's little *pleasantries* to someone who enjoys suffering from nausea, migraines, acid reflux, pelvic pain, back aches, restless leg syndrome, shortness of breath/inability to breathe, random choking fits, overwhelming fatigue and all-around discomfort.

Momfessions: I Love Being a Mom...

...Except for when I hate being a mom.

Ya know when I wanna be left alone, when I havta change diapers, when I havta deal with crying and tantrums. Ya know when I havta be a mom....

Momfessions: Kick, Push

The dolphin flips make all the aches, acid reflux and rollercoaster hormones worth it.

25 Thoughts of Mommydom

1. OMG those babies. My heart breaks everytime I hear something else about the shooting. Frankly, I would like to go back to the cozy little bubble known as T4 that I live in. While so many ppl are arguing gun laws and mental issues, I just want to hug my baby a little tighter and kiss her more. (And maybe possibly sleep with her so that I know no crazed lunatics tried to kidnap her during the middle of the night…)
2. I hate the “B” word. I was spoiled. My siblings were/are spoiled. Needless to say I don’t find anything wrong with spoiling a child. But my mom was also hard on me. I think I have a nice balance. So maybe spoiled is the wrong word. Maybe showered. Showered with love, affection and really nice gifts :-P. Either way I think it’s all about balance. Having someone show you they love you does not make you a brat. And there are many ways to express and interpret love. Read the Five Love Languages.
3. As much as Temi’s screaming drives me up a wall. I realize that her communication skills aren’t very developed. So when she gets frustrated, angry or sad, she will scream and cry. It’s my job to help her learn how to be an effective communicator. (Hey that’s what my degree is in, so maybe I’ll get to use it after all. :-)) At least I can drink on this job. ;-)
4. Lately, the Mama Bear is coming out full force. I’ve always spoken my mind with those closest to me, but I generally try not to offend or hurt people. It’s becoming harder to do that when my family (T4) is involved. I love my extended family and friends. And I want to help and protect them. But the urge I feel to protect the family I helped create is so much stronger and primal. It’s almost uncontrollable and I’m okay with that.
5. I need to do a better job of staying connected with those I love. In my perfect world, keeping in touch is a two-way street. And for the most part, it is. But there are still those family members that simply don’t pick up the phone (or tablet/PC), yet still expect the communication to keep flowing their way. It’s not in my nature to put effort into relationships that the other party does not. Yet, I still feel bad that Temi is growing everyday and so many of those people have never seen her or have only seen her once since she was born. As much as I hate it, I know that it’s on me to put go the extra mile.
6. I want Todd and me to be better than our parents. Not that our parents were necessarily bad. But I want us to take the good (or the things we liked) and build upon it while learning from our parents’ mistakes.
7. There was a certain class of 2005 that said it was “Sweeter the Second Time Around.” Well, I knew back then they lied and now I can say with absolute certainty: “It gets no SWEETer than the first.” I have the various aches, hormones and morning sickness to prove it.
8. I think my daughter is absolutely superly duperly the best. She is my heart and I fall in love with her over and over at least a million times a day. My love for her makes me want to give her the world. I just hope it doesn’t blind me to her shortcomings. Cuz I want to be able to help her accept and overcome her weaknesses so that she can be a blessing to herself and others. I don’t want to hinder or harm her.
9. My daughter has an awesome smile. And it’s not just me saying that because I’m her mommy. Her teachers call her “Smiles” because she’s always smiling. She is smiley, bubbly and affectionate and I never want her to lose that.
10. I know that Temi watches me way more than I watch her and so she’s inspired me to make some changes in my life. I plan to give back more by volunteering and paying it forward, removing negativity from my life as much as possible, and being more positive. I want to uplift people more than I tear them down.
11. Temi is going to give me a run for my money. She is so independent. She wants to do everything herself. I hope she doesn’t become a perfectionist like her Mommy.
12. While most parents get annoyed with kids programming, I think I’m going to be that parent that likes the shows more than my children. After all, I did watch the Disney channel all the way up to college.
13. I’m pretty sure Temi has her aunt’s hair texture which is funny on so many levels to me. My sister was my first “baby” and till this day, I’m protective of her. I guess you can say I have a little Mama Bear instinct towards her. I was combing Temi’s hair when I realized that Temi pulled her hair out in the exact same spot that Myahna cut hers when she was about Temi’s age. At the time, I was styling her hair the same way I used to style Myahna’s. Which is awesome to me because the love I have for them both, they also have for each other.
14. I was talking to Keisha and realized that because of the age difference between me and my siblings, our children will never grow up together. Makes me thankful for the opportunity to know Todd’s side of the family. At least my kids will have some cousins to grow up with. (Some of my fondest childhood memories are with my cousins, not my school friends. Cousins are special because they’re siblings with different parents.)
15. Most of my friends that have kids live in different states and cities. It’s sad because these are the people whose kids I imagined my kids would grow up with and be best friends. I think they should all move back to Chicago so they can be near me and my kids :-)
16. My best friend needs to hurry up and have a child before my kids are too old to play with her kids and she has to hire them as babysitters.
17. I need more videos of Temi. I have lotsa pictures. Not so many videos.
18. I can’t wait to have Mommy/Daughter dates with Temi. In my head, we will get our nails done together and go for movies and ice cream and lunch and just have a good time. I want to start now, but I don’t know any places that she can really enjoy. Ideas?
19. I need to get out the house more. With Temi, with Todd, with Temi and Todd, with my friends, with/by myself. I’ve never really been a club/bar person, but I was never stationary for too long. I’m turning into a homebody and I don’t like it.
20. There’s not enough time in my day but I am determined to be super mom/girlfriend. One day Todd is going to look up and the house will be clean all the time, there will always be a homecooked meal, I will be doing stuff with Temi, having plenty of Taija time and still make time for him. I may become addicted to Limitless pills, but one day it will happen.
21. Did I mention that I love, Love, LOVE my daughter? Oh, I didn't well I love her so much.
22. I just realized I never blogged about Temi's first time saying "Ma." I actually don't know the first time she said it. She says so many words (and have said so many before "Ma") that it kinda didn't phase me. It did, however, make me stop in my cooking tracks when she stood by the oven and sang "Ma, Ma, MaMa, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma" for about a good minute or two. That was earlier this week and that would be when it hit me, that according to Temi's world, I now have a name. Is the infamous "Maaaaaaa" terror about to begin?? We shall see.
23. Temi plays her grandparents and plays them well. Her Nana and Granny are like putty in her hand. And she knows this.
24. Temi is so sweet that's it's just OMG, but I think she's starting to use her sweetness to her advantage. Don't wanna go to sleep, oh that's fine, I'll just give Mommy a kiss and play with her nose.
25. I absolutely, positively love my family. T4 is awesome and I just want to give us the world. My outlook on life and my priorities have shifted majorly and they revolve around T4 and I'm unapologetic about that. I want and need my own life outside of my family. I get the healthy value blah blah for all of that. But I'm a mother and family woman now. I'm not single. I'm not childless. And I don't mind.

 

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Momfessions #6

I'm sick.
Temi's sick.
I'm tired.
Temi's tired.
I'm sick and tired of it all.

I'm not sure how much more of her clinging and screaming I can take. This is like NOTHING I've experienced before. She wants me to lay on top of her so she can sleep. If Todd so much as looks her way, she breaks out in screams of bloody murder and THROWS herself into me. But wait get this....she keeps reaching out to him. Then turning away like he killed her puppy. She doesn't want me to leave her touch...literally. I'm going crazy over here. Help!!!???!!

Momfessions #5

Between T-Time and watching Temi grow, I'm nothing more than a puddle of tears these days.

Momfessions #4

These cravings for pizza, Popeye's Chicken and cheesesticks are taking over and driving me beyond insane. I may have to sell Todd and Temi soon....

Momfessions #3

When Temi goes away, I be all like ":-'( I miss my baby bring her back NOW!!!!!!"

Then she comes back and I'm all like "Will this child's parents PLEASE come get her before I lose my mind?"

Momfessions #2

Sometimes when we're outta Almond Milk and I've already started cooking, I substitute with Mommy Milk.

*I only do that when I'm cooking for T3. I would never do it for company and guests.

Momfessions #1

I blast my music (or TV show) to drown out Temi's crying when I know nothing's wrong and she's just crying to hear herself cry....